Its quite a comfort if I am enjoying the chill lying in the rajai and doing nothing. But the moment I see the people on the road, sitting and waiting for the chill to subside but nowhere to take a shelter, it disturbs me. I fail to grab any idea that could suggest me what I should do in that situation. Once I tried to distribute clothes among them. But is that enough ............... What I did .......?I collected my old clothes, packed in a bag and went to where I could find them the most....ie. Gandhi Maidan, gave them the clothes and returned with a heavy and....well light heart.
But that is not done there all that was. I kept fighting with my inner self.........u know why?
me: Hey why r u calling me bad names? what wrong did I do?
inner me: U used those people as a compost pit. Have u no shame? U swine?
me: how..?
inner me : uhh. Tell me, did u really want to help them?
me: Ofcourse.
inner me :Rubbish.....that's how u can interpret it to the others not me. I know very well that u had those clothes kept in ur cupboard for so many years. U surely wanted to get rid of them, but at the same time u didn't know of any place where u could easily throw them. Throwing on the road was never ur choice. That's why u dumped these in the Gandhi Maidan...................in the hand of these helpless guys...........
me: Hey, who the hell r u? How can u talk like that? Do u even have any idea, why I couldn't throw the clothes on the road...............?Because I always believed that everything has to be used in the best possible way. And that is not throwing.................By the way those clothes where not so worn that they couldn't be used to keep the chill at bay. I know that very well. And stop being so insensitive.
Even after many days, I still have such fights..............
Though these fights have nothing to do with the real world relationships but they are good in making my strong and emotional decisions...........though confusions try to gobble my mind.
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